As a parent, you have a lot of questions about your upcoming divorce. What assets do you own? How long will the divorce take? Do you have to tell the court who is at fault?
It’s important to seek these answers, but you also want to think about the things that your children are considering. Their questions may be far different from your own. Here are a few examples so you can know how to talk to them and what to consider when setting up a custody agreement or even asking for a modification of a previous agreement.
Who will care for them?
Children understand that they need care and support, and they get it from their parents. One of the first things that they’re going to ask when they hear that you’re splitting up is who is going to provide them with that care moving forward.
Is the divorce their fault?
Likewise, children often assume that divorce is their own fault because they have a sort of inward-focused worldview where they feel like they are the center of everything. This takes on a very negative connotation if they feel like they caused their parents to split up, even when their parents know that they didn’t.
Do they need to move?
Where children live is also very important to them, and it plays into their sense of stability and belonging. They’re going to wonder where they’re going to live after the divorce, especially if they have had friends who have gone through this and they know that many people sell their homes during a divorce.
Is it really going to happen?
Children may also struggle just to understand that this is something that is going to happen, not a temporary situation that their parents are going to work through, after which things are going to go back to normal. It’s important to be caring and sympathetic, but not to give them false hope.
Involving the children
Whether you’re trying to modify a custody arrangement that you set up previously or just trying to create the initial arrangement as you go through a divorce, it’s important to consider the children’s perspective. You always want to put their best interests first. Make sure you know what legal steps you can take to do so.